i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Small penises have feelings too.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
