I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
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He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
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In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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