walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize