Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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