I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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