Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I could fuck to npr.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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