Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
