actually, I'm a sock model
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
