it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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