names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
