dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
