my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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