you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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