And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
