Umm I'm too high to move.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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