see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
