He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
