just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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