I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy sore nipples Batman
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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