Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
