some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
