Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
