I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
