So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
