Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
