yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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