I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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