There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
