i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
