Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
