I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
i need some magic done to my vagina
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
