She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
