We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
