So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
it glows. i had to have it.
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She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
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I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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