i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
