So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
