the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
