Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
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Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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