so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
