I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
