She went from zero to smokin in five shots
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
