I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
