2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Operation Purity has been aborted
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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