whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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