Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
