dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
