dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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