Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
