im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i dont even know how to be here
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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