I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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