She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
