Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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