Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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