pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
