Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
