I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
