just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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