Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
