So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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